"I don't, so neither should you!"

"I don't, so neither should you!" is a constant and reliable companion to  "I did, so you should, too." I personally like to counter this opinion with: "You're not the boss of me!"  Or, if I'm feeling defiant, "I'll damn well do as I please!" And, if I'm in a superior mood,  "If you don't think it's right, then don't do it."

Today, I'd like to label this "I'm the boss of everyone" behavior the "Kim Davis Syndrome." I hate to even mention her name, because I increasingly don't care a pittance what she thinks about anything, especially what she thinks I and other people ought and ought not to do. But, her behavior so perfectly illustrates such an important relationship point, it's just too great an opportunity to miss.

First off,  she is clearly not the boss of me, so it doesn't really matter what she thinks. Second, we live in a democracy, which I am extremely grateful for because I have a lot to say. Therefore, I'm in full support of Ms. Davis exercising her right to freedom of speech . She is welcome by me to speak out to her hearts content. However, she is not, nor ever was, the boss of who gets to get married. She is the boss of people whose job it is to provide marriage licenses based on the dictates of the law  - not their personal opinions or whimsy.

And while we are on the subject of Constitutional Rights,  if Kim were being forced to stay at a job that required her to perform acts incongruous with her religious beliefs, then she would have a justified complaint regarding the  'corrupt tyranny of our horrendous democratic system.' But that is not the case. In fact, it is the system that she berates that affords her the protection of religious freedom to freely honor her religious beliefs and choose a job that is in complete alignment with those beliefs (which I for one hope she does very soon.)  Her current post is clearly no longer a job that is in sync with her beliefs - and that's a matter of life, not church or state.

What Kim doesn't have a right to is a particular job - she can't reasonably be a ditch digger and say she doesn't want to dig ditches or doesn't want to dig them on the north side of the highway and expect to retain the position. Ditch diggers need to dig. Jobs change and she is free to change jobs.  There is no constitutional right at issue here regarding her religious freedom. She can practice as she chooses and choose a job in alignment with her practice, which this job clearly no longer is. Things change. There is no constitutional  right protecting us against that. Thank God! 

Freedom of choice is what people on all sides of this conflict are debating, freedom of choice in religion and most everything else. This underlies what Kim is "standing" for and what gay marriage rights seek to protect. And freedom of choice is what sits as the cornerstone of successful relationships. We must be free in our relationships to be true to our authentic selves and take actions in alignment with who we are and what we desire. The single and crucial caveat at play is the ability to respect the personal boundaries of those we engage with in the process. Respecting their boundaries doesn't mean respecting their sensibilities. It means not forcibly restricting or forcing their actions. Think kindergarten - Get your work done and keep your hands to yourself. ...The tricky part can be exercising your rights while not impinging on the rights of others.

Whether in relationship with an intimate or your fellow countrymen/women ...Just because you don't want to do it and don't think I should and don't want them to, doesn't mean we can't or shouldn't. 

Gay marriage is an act of love, economics and validity. If you find yourself threatened by other people's choices, start paying attention to what it is you fear. Because where there is judgment and condemnation there is fear. When you find another's actions contrary and objectionable, it's because those actions either undermine your confidence in your personal choice or make you feel vulnerable regarding the likelihood of getting what you desire.

We are blessed to live in a free country. Our freedom in this country, and in our personal relationships, is anchored in our rights to free speech and freedom of association. If you don't think it's a good idea, politely decline to participate.. If gay marriage isn't your thing, don't walk down the aisle.