The False Question

The false question is an unstated preference hidden behind a proposed choice in options. It's a trick. It's an unintentional trick, but a trick non the less. We ask innocently enough, maybe not even realizing we have a strong preference, or that a choice doesn't even really exist, until we get the response. We don't realize how much we care about the answer until we hear their response and know that it isn't what we expected or want to hear. So we go into triage mode, and we start selling our position - First we try to undermine their confidence in the choice they've made, "Oh, are you sure? Really? That's what you want?" Next, we sell, "Oh, I heard ...was really good (or conversely) I heard that was terrible." Then we cast doubt on the possibility of it even being a viable choice. and if all else fails we guilt and bully. We flip the tables and behave as if they have asked for something that somehow is inconsiderate, unavailable, inconvenient or down right mean to have asked for - when it was us who asked in the first place. 

For instance, let's say we are planning to go to a film. We say, "Hey there, would you like to see a movie? Yes? Great! A or B?" Then when they choose B. We panic. We realize we don't want to see movie B at all. (Who in their right mind would?) Maybe we didn't really think about  the choices we were offering up,  or maybe we were confident they'd choose A (what idiot wouldn't?) "Well now what?" We think, "How do I get myself out of this pickle?" So, we unconsciously, habitually maneuver. We don't retract our question, and fess up that there really wasn't a real choice to begin with. We don't admit that we were just being "polite" and just wanted to appear "nice." We must now,  somehow, convince them to make the "right" choice, to admit their initial choice was wrong - a mistake, an error in judgement- and convince them to come away from the dark side and into the light - to "want" to see the movie that we really want to see.