I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is, it's all you! The bad news is, it's all you! When learning to better navigate your relationships this can be a bitter pill to swallow. Accepting and embracing the fact that it's actually all about you and up to you can be a huge hurdle to get over. On the one hand, it's great. It means you have the power to change things. On the other hand, it sucks. It means you have to take responsibility for your situation and stop blaming and looking to everyone else to change for things to get better. Alas, whether you see it as a pro or con, within you is where the power lies to making significant and sustainable changes in your relationships.
That doesn't mean everything is your fault; it has nothing to do with blame. It means you, on your own, can change whatever situation or circumstance you aren't happy with.. When you stop joining in a particular dance, acknowledge and understand what issues of yours are being zapped you get super powers. Each time you are irked by someone else's behavior, you can take control of the unpleasant dynamic. You can disengage, you can engage differently, you can deal with your actions and your internal and external responses and the other person has no choice but to change their steps.