Hooray! I'm going to be blogging about lists for the next few days, and I'm so excited to start with this one, "The List." I love this list. I love this list because it works like magic - and I like magic. Here is how the magic works. About a month ago, when I was in town, I struck up a conversation with a gal, about relationships. She was eager to meet someone and had been having a very frustrating time. She was on the verge of giving up and had resigned herself to simply finding someone she could go to the movies with and maybe hang out together, now and again. She'd given up on her chances of actually finding someone she could have a deep and committed relationship with and decided she'd just settle for a lot less. She wondered if I knew anyone.
I told her I'd think about it, and then I made her promise she'd make The List. Well, I ran into this gal the other day and told her I'd thought of someone who she might like. And, here is the magic part... She beamed at me and said she'd found someone that was everything she'd been looking for and everything on her list. The key to the list is beginning with and focusing on the "Whys." Why do you want to be in a relationship? What do you want from it? How do you want to feel? What kinds of things would you like to do together. Think specifics and think qualities! If you put, "tall, dark and handsome" on the list, or "hot" that's just fine as long as you know why. Why do you want tall, dark, handsome or hot? Why does that matter to you? What will those qualities provide? Think about what you value and why. Dig Deep. Think about how this potential relationship might benefit you and your situation. Think about what you like, what makes you happy and what you need to feel like the best possible you. What supports you and brings you joy? Then, write it all down. I want someone who... I want someone who makes me feel... Think about how much time you'd like to spend together, and how you 'd like to feel when you are apart. Think about consistencies and aspects that would be in conflict and choose based on your personal priorities. If you want driven, ambitious and a hard worker - you may end up spending quite a bit of time alone.
Before I met my husband, I'd done quite a bit of personal work. I was pretty clear about what I wanted in and from a relationship, and what I didn't want. I had firmly decided I'd much rather be alone than go through the same old hassles, frustrations and disappointments. I'd also made a List. I had 50 things on my list, and my husband turned out to meet every item. The tricky part and the magical part is, I never would have guessed it when I first met him. The surface characteristics that I'd associated with who I anticipated my right person to be were completely off track. My ideas about what he 'd do, where he'd live and how he'd dress were a miss. The List was a hit on every level.